shit day

is it supposed to be;
there's no use running anymore.
because the pain doubles.

all this while;
i thought that a reason will simply cover why it has turned out like this. i thought, till my brain hurts. it doesnt click. it doesnt. why? i asked myself a million times, and i got back nowhere from where i started.

i was simply running away, running like every morning when i ran with huiwen. but its still the same, i get back to where i started. the track is circular. there's no use running anymore, face up.

i got by each day, knowing that things will improve, hoping that my life will just turn for the better. who am i trying to kid? this is pathetic. the tears i have compressed over the past months just dripped like a leaking tap, and i dont want to suppress it anymore.

someone out there, help me. thanks very much.